Recently I was trying to coerce my dad (Mini’s grandpa) into the use of a rollator. In October he had a fall, lost his balance, and broke his collar bone when he landed heavily on his left side. My mum was asking about walking aids, as one of their neighbours has a mobility scooter. I pointed out that, with them having just moved to a new house without a garage, means of storage would be limited. I also had to remind them that they need to be able to get any equipment into their car, something which I have much painful experience of thanks to ferrying my delightful offspring to and from university.

This started me thinking, something which Dax can confirm as a sign of imminent danger. Transporting a disabled person around takes a lot of planning. Suddenly I saw in my mind’s eye an episode of Thunderbirds. Picture, if you will, plenty of specialist equipment, needing a military level of planning for the task at hand, complete with a secret Island base to store and prepare the equipment.

Welcome then to White Rose Rescue (Edit: the White Rose is the symbol of Yorkshire, stemming (get it, stemming!) from the War of the Roses, where Lancashire (red roses) and Yorkshire (white roses) poked each other with swords for a bit. The hostilities continue to this day), otherwise known as Trundlebirds. This is run by the T’Racy family (Yorkshire joke), and has equipment suitable for everyday situations. All this equipment is stored in a secret bunker (well, ok, garage). Our garage even has a remote-controlled power door. However, none of the trees next to the driveway move, and are more likely to damage the equipment than be damaged should you collide with them.

The available equipment is as follows:

Trundlebird 1 (mobility scooter). This is a rapid access ship designed for local missions. It has suspension so that the operator has a comfortable ride, and also has useful features such as a shopping basket and brakes. Many a successful mission to the local supermarket have been carried out successfully, to date.

Trundlebird 2 (car). This is the main equipment transporter. Equipment appropriate to the mission can be loaded and used where-ever, accommodating Trundlebirds 1, 3, 4, or 5. It allows multiple occupants to travel together with certain combinations of equipment, even if they ride on the roof.

Trundlebird 3 and Trundlebird 4 (rollator and manual wheelchair respectively). These are individual piece of equipment for non-local missions and can be loaded into Trundlebird 2, but are rarely both taken on a mission at the same time due to the fact that it is somewhat difficult to use both pieces of equipment simultaneously.

Trundlebird 5 (Blue Badge, allowing legitimate access to disabled parking spaces in the UK). This is the satellite that controls the deployment of missions, albeit without the orbiting part. This is most useful for missions using Trundlebird 2. Although the Blue Badge is technically not a machine, it is most important when trying to get a disabled parking space as near as possible to the mission location. This allows rapid (or relatively, at least, these things are complicated) deployment to the scene of the action.

Trundlebird 2 has recently been upgraded, but unfortunately not to a Porsche. The previous version allowed the transportation of Trundlebird 6 (the eponymous powered wheelchair used by Dax), and it even had a special loading ramp. The whole set up failed spectacularly as you could not get everyone, Trundlebird 6, and the ramp into Trundlebird 2 at the same time. This has been alleviated as we now rarely have to transport Trundlebird 6, because they wanted to be “independent” and “get married” or something.

I have opted to be the head of the organisation because I am the driving force; I do most of the driving. I suppose I could be the chauffer, making me Parker. However, I only have a Ford rather than a Rolls Royce, and I can’t distinguish pink cars from grey ones because I am colour deficient (which has led to some interesting situations itself, including me being convinced that a grey rabbit was actually green. (Edit: this really happened)).

At least for myself and Dax’s Mum, we have the option of using Trundlebird 2 and all the different equipment. Planning involves selecting the correct item for the mission, and then starting out immediately. Dax can set out on a local mission, but missions further afield need planning. These are dependent on such things as bus time tables, accessible vehicles, and being able to convince the train companies that you really do want to travel tomorrow and unfortunately didn’t buy the levitation upgrade.

Well, I’d better get on with planning the next mission as we need to pick up some prescriptions for my wife from the local pharmacy. Trundlebird 1 will be best. I’ll just go and open the bunker…

F.A.B. Dax