By the title alone most of you will have guessed that this entry discusses a sensitive topic, although I will not be addressing specific and explicit details at any point. This is simply another entry discussing the taboos that surround disability, which includes the doubly taboo topic of disabled people having sex. I hope that I have dealt with this topic sensitively, and do not offend any readers.
It often surprises my friends when I tell them that I am frequently asked about my sex life because of my disability, often by relative strangers, and completely unprompted. People are intrigued to know whether sex is even possible, what position I have to be in, and whether I can satisfy my partner, and it appears that people believe they are being inclusive by asking these questions. However, if the able-bodied are entitled to privacy surrounding their sex life, then surely this applies to the disabled too.
Society’s obsession with sex is undeniable; a small escapade into music videos or women’s magazines will prove this. Being able to discuss sex is no bad thing under appropriate circumstances and is part of free speech, but the problem arises when people misunderstand what is meant by appropriate circumstances. Discussing sex in a sex education class, or after watching films like “Fifty Shades of Grey” which revolve around sexual activity and consent, or after reading this blog entry, is appropriate. Asking someone unprompted about sex when meeting for coffee, after you’ve just met them at a party, or on a shopping spree is not appropriate. Asking someone unprompted about sex purely because they differ from you is completely inappropriate, and yet people often look proud of themselves while asking for being so modern and unprejudiced.
However, despite all this, I understand why people want to know about this aspect of my life. It is not unwarranted to worry about having a future relationship with a disabled person and how to broach the subject of sex with them. So, for the record, sex is relatively uninhibited in my case although there are a few limitations, in particular around the frequency of sex. The fact that sex happens repeatedly should speak for itself on the satisfaction front.
It is worthy of note that sex differs for everyone, and this remains true for those with disabilities. While sex for some like myself differs little from the norm, some will only be capable of particular positions, or may not be able to have sex as frequently as a healthy individual. Therefore trying to evaluate the sex lives of the disabled by asking individuals is futile, as well as inappropriate. On the other hand, accepting that disabled people can and do have sex lives would help society to progress in recognising disabled people as equal to able-bodied individuals, and the modern and unprejudiced demeanour desired by so many would be achieved.